Got back from Amsterdam, The Netherlands is something else. I gathered my thoughts and sadly only now realise how foolish some of my actions have been lately. I ruined the best thing I have had, also I'm working in a place I despise, fun times... Was under my rent this month, but it will be ok. I am back on track and feel I just need to keep rolling onwards, and hope to patch my life back up, it's funny how you don't see how shit, or good things are until you step back and look in. I suppose if you spend six days in a foreign country by just arriving for the first time knowing nothing and not having a place to stay and with minimal funds you have a lot of time to think & walk.. A lot of walking.. My thought was how can you get lost if there is no place to go? It was beautiful. Happy Birthday To my Brother and Sister actually.. that's a few days back now but anyways yea... That's how fucked up I am ha ha. Ya'll know me tho. I will be fine I always am. : ]
This photo was made for you. (X)
Pine woods (Harrogate)
Shits been weird in my world so. There is no way to start this so I just will ok? When your not around I miss you, I try to give you a clue but not sure how start acting ridicilous, mysterious even to me, painted up your street in hopes you notice it, gues crying for attention hungry for some higher dimension when I leave you your still always on my mind so kind at work and any walk I take any time on my own I have become your clown and Shit I dont know how it happened I tripped and slipped, collapsed under your aura and beautiful honest persona im so sorry but I couldnt help it, it just took me, you see its my first time in twenty years of my life of laughs and tears ive ever felt this I got overwhealmed, couldnt help it. Laced down a track before this, but was just piss a mess all over the place dont want to chase you or nothing like that its not me you see if im writing this im sure you will read this, but please dont overreact not sure how to act this out but I know you do So all I will say is your the best person I know, accidentally imagine us travelling and missioning through this earth and thats the truth I known you for a while I love your smile and that makes my day spending my little spare time with you regenerates and makes me happy go lucky me Se I stalled Coz of Ellitot and what you two got but its killing me so least I can do Is honestly let you know either way I promise to always be there everyday and I hope we still can be friends after all these bends, but im sure you know we could grow and blow you make me feel invulerable and in no trouble if you ever read this its Coz you have to otherwise I will pull myself down your clown but I hope your ok you know how they say it dosent take all day to recognise sunshine and please whatever you do dont cry.
Not sure where it goes from here, but I had to let you know. sorry.
5am walking down that same road
10am working hard for that gold
My soul shaping yet already sold
what is my goal grow and turn to mould?
Walking down that road now is peace to me
you see, beacause I know theres something real
and beautiful at the end that I can comprihend
something I cant brake or bend
just love, your not the pidgeon, your the dove
I dont know how
I Cant be loud
But I dont want to hurt whats real
and therefor I feel I would tear myself apart
either way If I find the courage to say what I
think I have to say today or maybe tomorow
maybe somehow, but for now its silence and
bird ambience because all we need is a little patience
Im going insane I just want to hop onthe early morning train
to go anywhere but afterall I cant escape but just stand tall
because its always here and there its everywhere
thats the moment when you finally realise take off your discuise
stop living in your own created maze and see everything is yourself
and only you can help yourself, my cards have been dealt
and this is something I have never fealt
Im Scarred, dead and burried, not suicidal or depressed just worried
But its ok.
Its like im going to get my heart back
but the track to it is dark I must be smart
to have a chance to regain my mortality and understanding why?
And I keep coming up with the same answer everytime, I will
tell you some time I promise
What you want and what I can give
I just want to fucking live
I dont know how.
I dont know how.
to say
today tomorow,
But im sure the Dove knows
As it shines and glows and blows my mind so mysterious and kind
And im sure noone feels the way I do about you
Cant help to think we are the same just came from somewhere else
I guess evolved differently, esspecially up to now
the pidgeon and The Dove
So I will keep going down that road till you fly to me
because you see I cant risk blocking your sun
but defend you with an iron fist and I know
I will See You Soon
And maybe never reach the end of the road, because its noon soon
and work calls, But I promise with all my heart I will March
down the road everyday religiously just to make sure youre safe
And If the time is right I might pull you into my world
that used to be so cold, its taken so long and I see it now
and cant let go, and everything racional says I shouldnt and
everything irrationl screams fullfill YOUR dreams
But I cant hurt anyone around, like they say Architecture
is frozen music I wont lose it its just the way I am
I now am the change I want this world to be you see
sometimes that means to wait and let fate play out
no doubt all this needs is patience and now finally silence
till the next time, because anything worth its value is worth fighting for
that you cant ignore so instead of feeling sorry for myself I will take what I have felt
and know its positive and gives me clearer perspective of life and in the end
its my pleasure to know you at all, im on call
See You Soon.
Infinite Potential?
Any imaginated/Pictured (IDEA) comes from a THOUGHT.
Negative thoughts affected by external factors cause negative emotions from you and
people you face. BUT, Realising that if you are happy and ignoring routine stress, HAVING A PLAN & therefor sticking to it MEANS, you can achieve ANYTHING.
So things you need are Confidence, Peace, Happiness & Dicipline.
Rearanging of your entire thought process you have grown up with.
Its Hard but its possible to see. I want to be a success in MY LIFE for me as a person,
failure is not an option I must succeed, I dont want to be the wasted potential, I want to be a good person, I want to help others I want to live and be happy about my self, but right now, I feel like im stuck in the mud, dead end job with lame pay...
High Stress and all the rest, Negative people etc.
I need to leave somewhere ON MY OWN and reevaluate whats important & set a game plan and STICK TO IT. But at first I must fix my head into thinking right and realising my own power, THAT GOES FOR ALL OF US. Idea of my life, everything I will do Or have done has once been a thougth that has been made from ME so I have infinite potenitial to become what I want to be If I have a plan, my hopes and dreams are here but not yet seen, its next to me, you, all of us.
Draw a circle around once someone is making you feel irritated and look from the other side.
Tired of Sleep, I wake up & want to brake out, go somewhere do something not just slave awaymy life working for this bullshit system, I want to travel, but cant afford it, should take the trip like mysister did ha ha...But im a dude so that would be a bit harder...However I could find a girl that would love to tag along im sure :] I will be 20 in like two months...fuck, no more teenage years. Alot has happened I guess, time goes on and on. I've seen a few awesome bands play & have been to some sick partys, plus I have worked in quite a few kitchens so far, I have moved out of home and have my own flat...its like I have slipped into real life without noticeing... I always thought its some crazy dramatic step, but it just wasnt...ha ha here I am. For my 20th planning a trip for a week to Berlin, should be cool, cheapest tickets I found were 135 return :] However im buying them on 15th of February so hopefully they will be cheaper or about the same. I guess im just bored, tired, feel like im wasting my time and I aint doing what I should be right now, but I DONT KNOW...I dont know what it is. Ps. I have dreads again...weird short and spiky for now xD give it 2 years they'll be a'ight. :] Anyways nothing much more to say, till next time stay safe and love life. I do, just trying to find the way, arent we all?
Finally have internet at home...xD
And hopefully tomorow I will have my dreads back again...been a year now without em ha ha
had em before for 4 years so still dont feel right hopefully tomorow it will be all fixed ha ha
Steady day so far 2 days off in a row so had a shower and cleaned my room and the kitchen and did all kinds of useless things like trying to skate in the snow...dosent work.
Might have a disciplinary at work for doing somin wrong...xD
should be fine tho, and yea just chill.
Also I may have insomnia...cant sleep at night...
I know..rash.
