Anxiety

Yee turns out I suffer from  anxiety...who knows for how long...xD
recently realised im constantly anxious, abit nervous at all times,
alot of the time fiddle with things without noticing and sometimes have
minour problems taking deep breath, all typical symptoms of anxiety...
shit, I don't even know why like ive said im tired and probably just sick of
staying in the same place like I had written in the previous post.
nowonder huh? lol

Stuck in the mud

Wasting my time, dont know where to turn and what to do,
seems like all oportunities iv'e come across have been denied...
I want to do something, something I will remember for the rest of my life,
sick of routine and same shit every motherfucking day in and day out!
I need change and I need it now.
   But what am I to do? Nower das here in the United Kingdom the jobs are
about as hard to find as home "Latvia" and Im not really doing anything... atall.
I truly am stuck in the mud and don't know where to turn, I personally beleave im usually
very good in making decisions when it matters, but I don't see a way, ambitions are too far to reach
and good fortune and law of atraction too amphibios to beleave.
I just want to go home. On the street or just fucking go out and walk to somewhere.
See where I end up, but ofcourse thats rather unrealistic since we all know without such things as money your are absolutely nothing, become the junky, the guy you see on the street every fucking day that passes your life the guy with the long beard riped clothes and smell around most unpleasant, the guy noone gives a shit about, and if lucky you throw him some loose change.
who he is and where he came from noone knows nor cares, but he is a person, he's seen things and something has happened for him to get in this position, AND NO not always fucking alcohol...
what about being fedup, searching for a new begining and failing, being screwed over by someone or just being unlucky... And I bet most of those men and women have more grace and pride than anyone of us living in the machine while quite possibaly the have made the choice to escape "it"
And they dont want help if you take time to talk to these people, they want you to listen, and that is misunderstood alot of the time, these people often come to those positions of their own free choice.
Eventially getting stuck and not being able to get out. "Stuck in the Mud"
I dont know what ive just written but whatever im just confused of where to take my life from here on and how to keep myself moving through this neverending judgement and hopelesness around,
this world needs a lift or an end. There only two way to go move on or stay where you are, and we all are in shit, news are always bad news...there is no more good news or if there is its always overpowered by bad news, we have youth killing junkies for fun because noone will miss them..wtf?!
Do they even care? The man murdered was 61...imagine the stories this man could tell you things hes seen over the years. Fucking racists and other shit like that, why? Im not like that. Why do people hate on someone that bad? Why would you hate in such way on anyone?
Too many people now are jsut brainwashed fucking cunts!
I wanna step out of this box of lies! And only way I know how will destroy my life as such, but whats the point if theres no progress? Im just tired. Fuck it! We will never find an answer to this, so I guess we must live, live on and stick by our loved ones think of our good memories and work for a future, stick with your friends for support and love, and go through life together with someone who cares with you and once those loved ones start to fade one by one, you should not fear doing so too.
everyone has their time, aslong as you have someone to love you have a reson to be here.

And I shall leave it at this so this is going out to my family my dad that kept me on my toes and made me the man I am today or partially anyway...My mother evercaring and selfless, my sister in many ways my soulmate the person who has alwas been behind me right or wrong and let me understand alot of what I thought I knew and probably the greatest influence on me as a person, to all my friends that have been a great part of my life and I wouldnt trade moments with all of you for anything in this or any other world, good or bad it's all posible stories I will posibally tell in the future to some youth who will look at me as the old crazy man and think of me as a peace of shit. Thats how these people feel and well I just wanted to say we all need more love in this fucked up world, but hay whatever people dont give a fuck.. 75% of people that will read this dont give a fuck so to those aprox 75%

I wish you a big FUCK YOU! and have a nice day.

for now goodbye. MK.

Enjoy the song.

The Infamous-Respiration

Read to the instrumental at the bottom of the page.
leave your thoughts, tried something new here. be patient :D Thank you. ;]

Ei, hey
I wanna raise an issue, actually a few a lessone so listen
I was a kid maybe 13 on the street and obscene seems like it was all a dream
But real since I could feel I learned how to steal and now I know whats the deal
when you on the street people try to knock you of your feet so check the beat and
open your ears as im sheading tears
  So here it goes, when we used to go to Gacho shows we had to walk on the way we would
talk and laugh but always there shows up a foll with a starp and thats a fact sayin what you
doin on this set? ya better run a check and jet! But hay whats the reason for this?
He imediatelly pumped his fist, sayin something to us in a broke accent, since than
in school I was absent since all the kids there were obsesed with crime always on the corners
snoughtin a line, but this aint the problem, it's that our neighbourhood hates them on "That Side"
It's not that we hide but the opposite strive to be strong hittin the bong for how long?
Shit Latvians out here hittin on eachother a brother defiling the blood of another and the same goes for Russians
having their sessions killing them selves and us your not safe on the bus or walking your dog oh sod,
the enemy here could live in the same flats as you and thats true, could even be next door or floor and more
walking home from the club, pub or going to get your son from school all beat up and bloody, it aint funny
in these streets there is no such thing as lucky and dont get cocky since that will cost you your life whether
by a knife or a gun for them it will be fun and dont try to run but take it like a man stick by your clan either
way you all will be done one by one, I know always terrible things happen to good people
this life is like a war between good and evil, cant tell wheteher your life is empty or fullsince the unknown
enemy could...be anywhere, but whos to blame? it's a shame they livin nor here or there dont belong in neither and cant make their lives better they have no rights and it always results in pointless street fights, whether its Nazis that never say please, AntiFa or Red Star from freedom and peace we are far because in the streets its war! And dare you give a wrong answer to a question! Its a life lesson say what they wanna hear and they may even buy you a beer or play dumb...
Its a fact you'll get some, but will walk away and pray to the lord you not sure you beleave in to free you from whatever sin you had comited, whatever it is I admit it!! Braking down in pain, am I insane? You ask lord whos to blame!?
But its invane every day here it's the same enemy all around this man made hate game!
      ye yee 2x
Not sure what I beleave in,
Can hear the Rīga city breathin
All around thievin, disesetised people with no feelin
Cant be safe at night sleepin or in the morning eatin
Walking or working your enemy is Watchin
And when you slip you get squashed inside out trashed

     So now im 18 went home after long years it's still the same and those were my fears
I could taste my tears as I thought of many friends lost at a high cost, and pay respect and pour beer on the curb
I wont ask the lord since seems he dosent listen to me, who am I supposed to be?
   In the busstop a man from Moscow on the seat countin his dough looked at me and said hay bro!
why do you look like a black guy?! I replied why? He pulled out a broken bottle top, for a moment than I was in shock
pointing the bottle end he said answer my friend! I knew in this situation I couldnt defend and said I adore the music and respect the cultureand think together with all races theres a future, He said that Latvia is losing it's culture dont fit the picture go figure he said Moscow is full of blacks not paying tax and trying to relax forming communitees and having neighbouhood festivities, sayin its a problem...Once again whites must stand together forever and for the better, said he feels violated and that diversity is overrated and love for another race can only be faked and the whole world is just an ash tray he said he fears that his country is getting taken away...Sounds familiar? ai? I said as I turned and walked away hoping of the day of no ingnorant racists, fachists, NEOnazists and wrong poilitics
I feel desperation
I feel citys fading respiration
Spreading through the nation
there are no more saviours
and I dont think any of you outsiders
care or even dare to understand this inside
out once loving and caring land
The future is surfacing
and you have no idea what we are facing...
Infamous 32
All is said and my point hopefully is made
And my words here will never fade
Ive just exposed you to the dark shade...
the 32 once again staying true.

Written 16/11/2011
STEALING ANY OF THESE LYRICS IS A SUBJECT TO COPYRIGHT.
I HOLD NO RIGHTS FOR THE INSTRUMENTAL USED ON THIS BLOG.